The Filipino Heritage Observation

L and I recently went to Filipino Heritage Night at the San Francisco Giants when they played against the Cincinnati Reds. We never stay the whole time because L gets really cold (even with a long sleeved shirt, pants, jacket, and a blanket!) and very tired. 

To be fair we did wake up early and then walked around San Francisco all day. We went to the two story Disney store near Union Square.


We watched Guardians of the Galaxy 2 at the Metreon and went on the slides at the Yerba Buena playground. 


This was the second time either of us went to a luxury movie theater with reclining seats and it was so fun… until the toddler near us screamed his head off. I could hear polite yet tense conversation where the people next to the dad were trying to say, “Get your kid out of here.” The dad said he was doing the best he can.

But was he? 

On a plane, parents have nowhere to take their kids and these poor babies are most likely in physical pain with their ears popping up in flight. 

At a theater or a restaurant? I am on the side of removing your kid from the situation. 

True, I was a married-yet-single mom for many years while my husband was deployed but I waited a long time to bring them to the movies and sit down restaurants. I remember going out to dinner with my in laws and when the youngest started crying, everyone said to stay and eat but there was no way I would take from other people’s dining experience just as I would expect parents to remove their kids if they were in my situation. We work really hard for our money and do not splurge often so I expect a five star experience every time. 

Kids won’t stay that young forever and it’s not their fault.

But it is their parents’ responsibility.

Anyway, I digress.

We went on to the game and had such a great time! I love watching sports even if I don’t know what’s going on all the time. The energy, the excitement, and the fans make it a worthwhile experience you just don’t get watching the game at home… not to mention the Gilroy garlic fries!


Go Giants!

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The Brunch Insufficiency

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms and amazing women who treat my kids like their own! 


We went to a local chain restaurant for brunch and while the muffin and mimosa were delicious, the rest of the meal was lacking. That’s okay though because we were able to spend time together with my mom and get these silly photo ops.


I have about a month left of the school year and am sort of dreading it. Teachers form a bond with every class and every year, despite minor complaints, we believe this class was the best class ever. This year is no different.

Happy Mother’s Day!

An Open Letter to the Writers of This is Us

Dear Writers,

I want to commend you on this evening’s episode about Randall and his father, William. 

You see, I too lost my father. I too face anxiety on a daily basis. I too retreat into my own self, my own mind, my own world when I am not able to cope with the outside world.

I am Randall. 

I’ve had my fair share of hospitals. Initially these visits were positive as I’d walk in pregnant and get wheeled out with a healthy baby. But then my father got sick.

He came to visit when our middle child was still the youngest child back in 2006. My husband was stationed in Virginia and he flew from California to spend time with his only two grandchildren. Near the end of his month long visit he did not look well but refused to go to a doctor. Instead he insisted that he was flying home in a couple of days and that, of course, he’d be fine when he returned home. 

He wasn’t. 

My mother and his sisters took him to the emergency room immediately. “Why didn’t you take him to the hospital?” they asked.

He didn’t want to go. Of all people, his wife and his sisters should have known how stubborn he was. 

They asked me to come home that night. I knew they were asking me to come home to say goodbye. 

My father, though present in my life, was not the most nurturing father per se but did what any elderly immigrant Filipino father could do. I knew he was proud of me. I knew he loved me. I knew he loved his grandchildren. He never said those things but I felt it. 

I felt it.

Soon after my father passed, I found myself in the emergency room. Heart palpitations. Stomach cramps. Shortness of breath. A self fulfilling prophesy born in the halls where my father died. 

But I was fine. I am fine. I am my own definition of fine.

Thank you for portraying this father-child relationship with honesty and without restraint. Thank you for showing a dying man who was literally living every moment as if it was his last moment as a reminder for us to do the same. Thank you for reminding me how much I loved this mysterious, stoic man who was my father. Thank you for reminding me that even though I physically felt the moment my father left this world, he never left my heart. 

Sincerely,

Someone who misses her dad

The Valentine Consumption

Valentine’s Day has always been bittersweet in our home. Most Valentine’s Days R was deployed or out on a training so I had to do everything myself. From candy to cards to a special meal, I did it all. Anything for the kids to know they are loved by not just one parent but by two.


This weekend R asked me to meet him and the kids at the local PetCo… to pick out a new kitten for me for Valentine’s Day! Luckily he warned me because I said no.

Our pets mean the world to me and while I know that the orange cat who had to be put down last year is in a better place, I don’t know if a new kitten would be welcomed in our already full house. The old gray cat may have been loving towards a new kitten but the chihuahua would have definitely made its life a living hell. 

The middle was really upset by my decision and understandably so. She’s very emotional and loves animals… well, she’s a lot like me. She’s doing better now, of course.

Last night R and I gave each other our presents. The kids “helped” us choose the other’s favorite candies: Scotchmallows from See’s for me and Lindts for him. And to be expected, we shared with the kids. 

This evening I took the kids to eat at one of our favorite burger joints and had frozen yogurt afterward. I am so full right now (of both love and food)! 

While R and I didn’t have a romantic dinner together because he was in class all day, it’s nice knowing we don’t need to. I always told him I never wanted flowers because flowers die and me being me, if I want flowers, I’ll buy my own flowers. 


He did buy me a mini rose plant one year but it didn’t stand a chance. We will have our weekly meal out and without the kids but we know it would happen without the Valentine’s Day label.

And that’s just fine with us.


Top 2000, bottom 2/3/2017

The Lemonade Reaction

On Saturday I was scheduled to attend a talk with the art director of a children’s book publisher but unfortunately her car broke down on the way to Sacramento and I was already halfway to the location. 

Not willing to accept defeat after finally attending a writer’s event after eleven years, I made a conscious decision not to go home and do what I normally do on a rainy day (watch movies, take a nap, not necessarily in that order); I went to look for writing inspiration at the library and at the bookstore. 

I found it.

I am writing again and am so excited to see where the story takes me. I will definitely share more details once I am more comfortable but in the meantime, enjoy this picture of the rain. 

The Christmas Conjecture

I forget that he is disabled.

My husband hides it so well that I make a lot of decisions based on me forgetting that he is unable to handle crowds and control his anxiety that I accepted free tickets to a big football game this week. 

He said he’d be able to handle it and I didn’t want to push it. He’s had a few weeks off from school and we had to reschedule the kids’ dental appointments for that day anyway. 

Last week we went out to eat and I don’t remember where we ate, only that halfway through our meal, he was making a face. Turned out that he felt there were too many people in the restaurant and he didn’t know what to do. I told him he could go for a walk, switch seats, or we could leave but he said he’d be okay. I believed him. 

We didn’t go anywhere for Christmas as his family are a long drive away and many of my relatives flew to the Philippines for the holiday. I started my month long break with a bang visiting family in L.A. and going to Disneyland but the passing of my aunt has made for a somber December. For so many reasons, Christmas has just felt so different this year, surreal and numb and overwhelming all at once. I thought I was sure everything will go back to normal but as it turns out, this is the new normal. We are so very grateful for our family and friends and pray that 2017 will be even better.

Happy holidays!

The Winter Soldier Effect

So this happened…


Yep, that’s Sebastian Stan, THE Winter Soldier from Captain America. 

We went to Wizard World Comic Convention in Sacramento last month and if you were there, you probably saw us.


So if you’re up to date on The Walking Dead, you’ll see that I’m dressed as Neegan. There were a ton of cosplayers dressed as Neegan but none of them made Abraham, played by the awesome and kind Michael Cudlitz, read a book! (That might be my thing now when I get these photo ops– making celebrities read, lol!)

My friends and I are heading to San Jose this weekend to go to the Heroes and Villains FanFest featuring actors from Arrow and The Flash. We are so excited to attend as volunteers! 

My hubby R tried to attend a comic convention but was quickly overwhelmed. Now that we know more about crowd trends at these conventions, I always ask him if he wants to go to the less crowded days and first thing in the morning. He’s talked about coming one day but I don’t push it. 

Can’t wait for next weekend!