The Jason Conjecture

Hope you enjoyed your Halloween festivities! Our house goes all out for Halloween because

1. I’m an October baby and why yes, I am 257 years old this year.

2. I have a knack for after-holiday sales. I love cutesy decor and coffee mugs but I don’t like paying full price. 

   
 
I dressed up for passing out candy because I don’t want to be recognized! I’m in the business of educating children, not being liked. That said, I’m pretty sure there are kids and teens out there who would love the chance to take out their frustration in the form of toilet papering my house.

  
Most of the time though I had to take of my mask because I was groaning and hissing– too scary for tiny toddlers trick or treating for the first time this year. Still, I was recognized halfway through the evening: “Aren’t you a teacher at…?” Gah! Busted!

Trick or treating was dead on our street (no pun intended). Most of the neighborhood kids are now in high school and our cul de sac backs up to a busy major street. Halloween was on a Saturday this year so most families probably went to parties in other neighborhoods or towns. 

I spent the evening watching Doctor Who

  
and Pitch Perfect 2.

  
That’s not beer! That’s a Coke Zero!

I told my family that I was going to meet them at church this morning but time got the best of me. I thought I was going to be in and out of our neighborhood Target in no time flat but dammit if there weren’t already stay-at-home moms in line at the doors before they even opened! Damn you, SAHMS!

[NOTE: I love stay-at-home moms. I was one for many years and have proven that I can’t hang with you lot time and time again. The use of the term SAHM is not intended to offend but rather for humor only. No one messes with the SAHMs in my neighborhood!] 

Rather than rush in and interrupt mass, I will sit this one out and stay in the moment. 

  

Advertisements

The Elf Implementation 2014

Our Elf on the Shelf has been busy in years past…

IMG_6396.JPG

IMG_6397.JPG

This year our friend Ellie came in like a wrecking ball!

IMG_6395.JPG

Before I go on, our elf only poses like this long enough for me to take a photo. She goes right back to the G-rated fun for which she was created. In fact she doesn’t get herself in cutesy predicaments because she’s so exhausted and sometimes forgets to move at all! That’s when our 13 year old son gives us a hand.

And now, more adventures of this little elf gone wild…

Cover your eyes! Ellie made a sex tape!

IMG_6398.JPG

My coffee has been tasting rather shitty lately.

IMG_6399.JPG

Do these pancakes taste funny?

IMG_6400.JPG

Um…

IMG_6401.JPG

Anyone hungry for dachshund adobo?

IMG_6420.JPG

Those are NOT snowflakes!

IMG_6425.JPG

Someone’s been dipping!

IMG_6435.JPG

What the hell?! Not our wedding picture! Not the baby pictures!

IMG_6449.JPG

IMG_6450.JPG

The Hernia Recovery

Last week marked another surgery for my husband R. He had a significant hernia on the right side of his lower abdomen that until recently did not cause him any discomfort or pain.

That day did not begin well… but it ended with a surprise.

We were getting ready to leave for the VA hospital at 6:30 am. My mother arrived early to help the kids get ready for school and then drop them off. We didn’t need to be there until 8:00 am so we were fine… until we got a call from the reception area saying he was a half hour late!

R was supposed to get a phone call a few days before and when none came, an answering service told him that he didn’t have to be there until 8.

On the way there, R was hungry and cranky and highly annoyed. As much pain as he was in, as exhausted he was after having been through what he’s been through for the past four years, I needed to gently remind him that it was not the fault of the hospital workers who were about to check him in. It was not their fault nor the nurses who would scramble to get him prepped for surgery. It was not the fault of the doctors who were still able to fit him in. Rather the blame lies in an ineffective system that has frustrated and continued to frustrate thousands of veterans around the country.

When we were attached to a base and active duty, R’s medical needs and ours as a family were met so easily and without any hitch. Any questions I had were directed to his command or that of his command’s personal physicians or even the ombudsman. Hell, if I even had a question in the middle of shopping at the commissary, I’m pretty sure there would be an aisle full of stay-at-home moms and spouses of veterans who could answer it right on the spot.

Today? If R had a question, he wouldn’t know who to ask let alone who to ask about asking. I can’t tell you how many times he’s called the VA only to hang up in frustration because he’s been transferred to so many people and so many departments. No one knows the answer to these questions.

After he got settled in, I settled in to the Starbucks with a soy caramel frappuccino. When I returned, the surgeon was surprised to meet me. “He’s never brought you to any of his appointments.”

I wanted to say, “Well, he’s a strong, independent woman and can do things without me.”

But I didn’t. I said something similar though without the joke.

I do, after all, have a job and career I am trying to restart. In fact, this is what I was doing all morning.

IMG_3589.JPG

It’s funny how when I insist on doing everything myself, I call it being INDEPENDENT yet when he insists on doing everything himself, I call it being STUBBORN. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t think it’s funny.

His surgery went well and they could fix it without (pardon the visualization) slicing him open. Even more awesome is that he came home on the same day!

I don’t think that was expressed to the rest of the hospital as when I went to pick up his meds, the pharmacist insisted he was recovering on the third floor! Luckily we both had a sense of humor about it and he cleared it with a phone call.

Cross your fingers that that surgery will be the last!