I have been working a lot lately which really cuts into my late-night Netflix addiction. After the kids have been put to bed, my husband R usually follows soon after. He’s taking a couple of art classes and his commute is terrible meaning he has to leave at four in the morning to catch the ferry over an hour away.
What’s a girl to do? I read sometimes but I’ve found that I’m a binge reader. I’ll find half a dozen books that I love and cannot wait to devour every waking minute and then I won’t read anything for several weeks. Part of me feels like I’m still mourning the completion of a wonderful trilogy that I’ve already read twice and am presently fighting the urge to read the series again. Another part of me feels like I need to turn off most of my brain to truly relax at night.
What better way to relax than with mind-numbing TV?
I really should refrain from calling it mind-numbing even though that is its purpose for me at eleven o’clock at night. After all, I’ve found friends in Pretty Little Liars, rediscovered the crew of Serenity, and at present am feeling awkward while watching Awkward.
R said yesterday that he thinks I’m lucky for not needing as much sleep but I beg to differ.
Most of these sleepless nights are not intentional. I can’t win the battle with sleep any more than I can win the battle of saying no to chocolate in the house.
Trust me, resistance IS futile.
And lately I noticed that there are many more ways of describing how I feel in the evening when it’s time to go to bed and my mind refuses to shut down. I feel itchy, restless, annoyed. I feel like I could run ten miles RIGHT NOW but I also feel like I could think of ten reasons why I shouldn’t while being wrapped in a blanket burrito. I feel like I have an opinion on everything and everyone should stop what they are doing to listen to me right now. At the same time, I feel like I don’t care what my opinions are.
If I don’t care, what good are these opinions?
And so begins this round of my battle with depression. There are no winners here. Only hours of lost shut eye.