The Failing Worry

It probably goes without saying that there are many things about our military life that I cannot talk about with anyone, let alone on a public blog. Hopefully I’ve made you chuckle once or twice. This blog is just a glimpse of what our life is like. The darker moments are kept hidden on purpose.

I worry about my husband constantly. Yes, he’s an adult. Yes, he can take care of himself.

But can he?

He suffered a traumatic brain injury two years ago and only now am I privvy to the amount of pain and anxiety that he is still going through. I know he’s been in pain but he never told me that it is constant, that some days are better than others.

That some days are far worse than others as well.

I worry that he may not be getting the counseling and therapy he needs right now, whether he admits it or not. Whether he wants it or not.

I don’t think he is.

And it isn’t entirely his fault. Nor is it entirely the military’s fault.

I think there are so many factors that come into play when it comes to these issues. First of all, most of us will not admit when there is a problem, let alone a stubborn male like many husbands we know and love.

Second, even if he was aware of it, would he really seek it on his own? Would he feel like he could handle this? Would he feel that this is just something that is temporary and will pass once he retires?

Furthermore, follow up counseling is mandatory for everyone coming back from deployment but is it enough? Should they constantly have follow up counseling? Who knows if or when a soldier will demonstrate signs of PTSD? What then?

Finally, even if there were regularly scheduled and required counseling sessions, wouldn’t many of them see it as a joke and just not show up?

I worry about R. I worry about our life together when he retires. But I don’t worry for my life. I don’t worry for the safety of our children.

I worry that R is broken. I worry that he won’t ever be fixed no matter how much we will it and want it to happen.

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