Dear Mr. Grey,
It has come to my attention that you have been spending late nights with possibly millions of women all around the world. Whether you are
or who I pictured the entire time as I read of your legendary prowess,
who incidentally both guest-starred on Glee, I have created a list of things you need to know.
1. Most women do not care about money but that doesn’t mean we don’t love our pretty things.
I married my sailor for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, and while I insisted on paying for my own meals while we were dating, I didn’t refuse a diamond anniversary band for our tenth anniversary. There is nothing wrong with wanting to sweep her off her feet so long as the intentions of her suitor are for her and her alone, not being showy or for keeping score.
2. Most women will try anything once.
As you said, the fear of being hurt is more powerful than the pain itself. Start slow. Compromise. Maybe refrain from showing the entire collection of canes and whips until AFTER about the fourth or fifth date.
3. Friends are a woman’s lifeline.
Do not cut them out of her life or she will cut you. Then they will cut you. And not in a good way.
4. Women are starting to understand that when a man withdraws, she needs to leave him alone, give him time to sort her feelings.
Men, including you, need to know that when a woman withdraws or tries to leave, fight for her. Chase her. Don’t stalk her unless it’s in your private jet. Make sure that puppy is stocked with Jimmy Choos and Manolos too.
And most importantly,
5. You do not need money, power, or selflessness to make a woman fall in love with you. All a woman really wants is someone who thinks she should eat more.