Dirty little secrets

I have several secrets that I have to get off my chest. Please sit down if you’re not already seated. I warn you that your perfect image of me will be tarnished.

Pour yourself a glass of wine. Yep, it’s those kind of secrets.

1. I justify everything.

I needed a few key career separates when I went back to work part-time. I love pretty things from Nordstrom.
What it really means: Nordstrom Rack. Clearance racks only. Buying off-season is critical.

Handbags are an important accessory. It effects how you see yourself and in turn, how you carry yourself. A confident substitute teacher is an effective substitute teacher.
What it really means: No need to justify a Juicy Couture bag that is TWO-THIRDS off the regular price! HALF-OFF Kate Spade?! No need to justify at all. [Actual prices will not be revealed to protect the Justifier.]

2. I turn not-so-healthy into semi-healthy.

This afternoon I baked a cheese stuffed crust, mushroom and pepperoni pizza for lunch. I had to make it to order. The girls do not like pepperoni and the youngest doesn’t like mushrooms.
What it really means: DiGiorno’s cheese-stuffed pepperoni pizzas, thawed perfectly to move the pepperonis, topped with fresh sliced mushrooms. Serve with milk and grapes.

The kids love having macaroni and gouda with corn.
What it really means: Kraft Mac N Cheese, only half the “cheese” packet but with half a wedge of gresh gouda. Add a can of corn, drained.

Milk with every meal.
What it really means: Milk with every meal so that when we go out to eat they can have soda.

3. I want to get married again.
I would love to renew my vows with my husband. I would love to dance to our songs again. If you ask him, our song is Bryan Adams’ “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” If you ask me, our song is Lonestar’s “Amazed”.
What it really means: I want a new dress and someone to take pictures of me in it.

4. I value meditation and the pursuit of inner peace.
I want to go to a week-long yoga retreat when he retires so my husband and the children can have time to reconnect.
What it really means: I want to be by myself for a week.

5. I am a firm believer in life-long learning.
I want to get my doctorate in education to work in curriculum and supervision and possibly educational policy.
What it really means: I miss being in school. I would like a job where I didn’t have to sit criss-cross applesauce, sing nursery rhymes, and play with markers all day. On second thought…

6. I read ALL THE TIME.
What it really means: Mostly of the vampire seduction genre. Gossip rags here and there. Crossing over into YA, fantasy, and science fiction. Long way from self-proclaimed chick-lit-only phase.

7. I can’t sleep again.
What it really means: I can’t sleep again.

8. I hide my emergency chocolate from the kids.
What it really means:
When you’re over, stay away from the Cadbury in the pantry or that will be the last thing you touch. Emergency indeed.

What are YOUR dirty little secrets?

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